And what was supposed to be only a consultation, turned into a haircut!

The hairdresser said that he could tell that I’ve been thinking about this realistically and it wasn’t spur of the moment. I’ve been thinking of cutting my hair short for about 5 years, basically ever since I started losing it in larqe quantities. It’s not that bad right now, but my hair would normally be about 1/4 thicker.

As soon as I sat down and he set his fingers on my head, he said that my scalp is dry and tight and in bad condition and he could tell that I’ve lost hair. I had thought that short hair wouldn’t be as forgiving in that sense, I thought it would show more how my hair is thinner, but it’s actually better now! It’s like normal hair. :)

It’s a little messy because I wore a hat on the way home and I haven’t yet figured out how it should be arranged. My hair grows in different directions all over, but I’ll learn that soon by experimenting.

I like my “sideburns” in particular (if someone knows the actual term, pray tell me!). They make the hair cut look more feminine. I also like how there is longer hair on the top. I can make different looks by changing the parting and combing it in different ways. :)

AND my earrings show better now too. AND my hair won’t be on the way when I do krav maga! AND no more 20 minutes every day just to untangle it so I can put it on a ponytail, which basically makes me look like I have no hair. By cutting off the length, I actually feel like I have hair again.

This is following the International Conference on English Historical Linguistics 15, which took place in summer 2008. Apparently this is the first volume, with 14 articles. I have no idea how many volumes there are altogether, but I think it’s nice to be picked among 14 articles covering historical changes in English syntax.

Besides, pink and red is a beautiful combination. Here’s the table of contents:

Mine is the article on prevent. My professor’s is the one on the TIME corpus. The editors wanted us to cross-reference to our articles, but neither of us saw any point to it…

It’s kind of funny now, considering that I’ll probably never take up my postgraduate studies again. Having an article published and some conference presentations under my belt might even be a hindrance in my CV when I apply to jobs elsewhere than in the academic world. So I’m not exactly underlining it, it’s just there. Something I did.

Well, there is a student in England who’s working on prevent and other verbs of prevention. She’s enthusiastic and has been asking me for help a lot, apparently thinking that I’m a lecturer at the University of Tampere. Whatever, it’s not like she’s my competition anymore.

As more time goes by, I feel more certain that it was never meant to be. I simply don’t feel at home in the field of research. There were too many external issues that I couldn’t stand at all, unrelated to the actual work. And I could never convince myself I was doing anything useful. It’s no help if others think it’s useful if I don’t believe in it myself.

I’m not supposed to be a thinker. I’m supposed to make things happen. I’m happy with my life like that, and I think that’s what counts the most. Why pursue something that doesn’t make you happy? I believe we only have one life, so it doesn’t make any sense at all to waste it when you know what makes you happy and what doesn’t. I’m lucky to have found what I enjoy doing.

This time I focused on adding light with white, so the face overall is much lighter color now. I softened the eyes and mouth and added light to the hair and beard, too. The face definitely looks more 3d now.

It’s interesting to compare the last two versions side by side (see below). I changed the jawline a bit, and the added white makes the face look bigger and more protruding now. I’m happy with the eyes and eyebrows, finally. Since the paint had dried, I was able to fade out the eyebrows a bit, as they used to look too dark.

I also made the eyes slightly more downward sloping on the outer corners, as on the model. The look in the eyes seems more realistic too, like the person is looking the viewer straight in the eye. There’s still something about them that makes them look slightly different from the model’s, but it’s not too drastic. I also like the mouth more now: it’s a bit wider, as it should be. I sharpened both the eyes and the mouth with a hint of black.

Now I’m itching to glaze the whole thing, perhaps with green or blue, maybe even yellow. A glaze can subtly change the hues and make the lines and transitions between colors look softer and more natural. After the glaze, I would highlight the white parts again, as I have been taught. I think those two procedures might be the final touches. I’m very happy with the painting as it is already.

After taking the painting to the storage room, I started on another — a semi-profile of my beef, surprise surprise. Since it’s still in the sketching stage, I did not take a photo. But in my next blog post, you can finally compare the model photo with my finished painting, if all goes well.

It’s nice to blog like this, after each painting class! I have a hunch, though, that after these two paintings I will have a hiatus from efficient painting. So far I don’t have any ideas what I will paint next, but there’s still weeks until I’m done with the second one.

I have knitted:

• a helmet liner for my handsome ninja-wannabe beef
• TWO heelhead scarves!

My first heelhead scarf, which I affectionately like to call the Steelhead scarf (because that’s how I read the name of the pattern every time I had a look), has been on my needles for a long time – since last year in fact. I finished it some time ago, but was too lazy to take a photo and upload it and blog about it. Besides, I lost my camera battery charger that I hadn’t even used once and had to order a new one. Of course the cheapest option was from a web store whose owner won’t send your stuff until you start getting really mad. It took about 2 months!

Anyway. The black heelhead scarf was for myself. I liked knitting it eventually, after having had plenty of trouble with it. So I knitted another one for my mum in colourful stripes, because she’s a colour fan as myself. The difference between us is that I won’t wear just anything colorful, but she will. She has more confidence for dressing up like a clown… just kidding, I think she has a great taste and really can pull off a colourful style.

So here they are, me wearing the black scarf and Turpo sporting the fancy splash of colour:

(Turpo looks like an artist!)

(Modelling knitwear is FUN!)

(Click to enlarge)

And moving on to the helmet liner: why did I want to knit it? I can only remember wanting to knit a hat for myself (which I did), and while I was at it I noticed a pattern for a marine helmet liner (opens a pdf file). It’s a pattern perfectly suited for US marine troops, knitters can knit them and send them in for real use!

I really liked that idea, except I wasn’t going to send my own helmet liner anywhere. I was going to knit it no matter what, even if I couldn’t find anyone to give it to. But then I got blessed with my own Finnish ex-navy tough guy who could use it. Perfect!  He really seems to like it and says he’s going to use it, even though the yarn is a bit itchy. It’s not even 100% wool, which btw would be unacceptable for US troops who’d rather not have their face melt together with their helmet liner in the case of fire…

I had my troubles with the helmet liner, too. For the first time I was using two circular needles, with the other one acting as a stitch holder while knitting the cap portion; and I also learned to add stitches with the cabled cast-on method. There was some unraveling involved at some points, but I persevered and pulled through. Moreover I think my knitting is starting to get quite even and nice-looking. It’s almost as if I wasn’t a beginner knitter still.

(Beautiful eyes, huh?)

All in all, even though it took me a long time to finish these and publish them here, I’m very pleased with the results. Gods I like knitting so much. And I get huge kicks from learning new knitting tricks.

(Turpo is a HUGE fan of cuddling! See how she’s enjoying it!)

Next up is my still unfinished object, a Karius scarf, and sewing together my hobbit sweater. I can’t wait to have Turpo model it. I’m also planning to knit matching mittens for the colourful heelhead scarf for mum, since there is some yarn left still.

And now I can take another month’s break from blogging again. Or not. I have some ideas for new portraits again and will get down to it tomorrow…

During the spring term on the painting course, this was the last painting I finished. I think it just might be my best so far. The teacher agreed that I’ve come a long way from the start of the autumn term.

I paid special attention to making the eyes realistic, and I’m very proud of their look. The face overall has a pretty good resemblance to the model, Cillian Murphy. He’s been one of my favorite actors ever since 28 days later, because he has such a distinctive, peculiar face. High and sharp cheek bones, gaunt cheeks, full lips and very light blue eyes. Very strange, which I like.

(I no longer know how to link the small pic to a larger one on WordPress, thanks so much update 3.01)

There are some  minor things off about the face, but I came to a point where making any changes would have probably jeopardized the painting as a whole. Usually it’s best to just leave it as it is at some point and make another version if you are desperate to get it exactly right. I think I will paint Cillian again later, but from a different picture and angle. Even though I’m not perfectly content with the actual resemblance, I like the color combo of earthy tones combined with cool blue. Besides, we had a live model once during the course, and she came by to look at it and recognized him immediately.

In other news, for a while I’ve meant to move my pictures to some other gallery than Photobucket. It’s just so sucky. But moving the pictures and updating the links won’t be a walk in the park either. As for continuing my painting, I’m thinking of joining the Saturday group in the autumn term. I can no longer attend morning classes just in case I get work, and that unfortunately means I will have a different instructor.

The Saturday group is actually 5 hours for independent painters to come and make use of the facilities, without any guidance from an instructor. That would be fine, since painting without guidance is better than no painting at all. It’s the facilities that I most appreciated in addition to the instructions, since it is very complicated to set up my painting table at home. Plus, having a set time for painting never hurts.

I’m also considering making a website for advertising my translation and proofreading services. I have my own personal nerd to help me so basically I just need to come up with the content and design. I might not get customers anytime soon since I have so little on my CV as far as translations, but I might have a chance with low pay rates and with a convincing website.

Even small jobs would add to the groundwork for getting to my ultimate goal, i.e. some day successfully getting employed at a translation agency. It’s difficult to convince them that I could be a great translator when I have done so little of it officially, with proofs. I believe in my own abilities but I have little to show for it. But maybe one day.

Anyway. I got tagged by a Twitter knitter, Cheekytart (you can follow her here). So I’m basically obligated to blog, but I don’t feel forced at all. I needed something like this: My desire (more sharp than filed steel) did spur me forth,* when given a chance. The tag entails answering to a slew of questions about my personal life, which is fine.

1- What’s your staple meal (ie. what meal do you cook most often when you can’t be bothered to be adventurous) ?

I like to make a chicken wok with vegetables, basmati rice and various spices. I just throw in some courgettes, sweet pepper, black olives, mushrooms, sometimes carrot, and add different curry spices like turmeric, cumin, coriander, cardamom, ginger, chili, cinnamon and clove. You can make endless variations by wokking and you don’t have to consult any recipes, and I love that. It’s hard to go wrong because I’m not so choosy when it comes to tastes in food. The food has to be quite terrible for me not to eat it.

2- What do you want to be when you grow up?

I wonder how you know you are actually all grown up. Right now I would love to find work which involved using my language skills. Translation, proofreading, data entry, developing language-related apps, anything involving writing…

One of my ambitions is to write a dissertation, since I see it as something I have to do or I’ll always wonder what I could have accomplished with it, what I would find out if me and not anybody else looked at the data I am planning to use. I don’t see myself as a researcher for life because I don’t take criticism very well. I prefer an easier life to an ambitious one, since the former seems to entail far less agony and anguish.

Work is important to me because I haven’t had much of it so far in my life and to me it’s one way of defining myself as a person. I just want to feel useful and earn my living myself instead of living off everybody else.

3- What book are you reading at the moment (if any)

Larry Niven’s Ringworld. Someone over at the Mass Effect Social Forums said it was similar to the Mass Effect universe so I gave it a try. I’m almost finished and it is not a bad book. Before that, I read Allen Steele’s Coyote series, a gorgeous, realistic long series on colonizing an exoplanet, and Jack McDevitt‘s Ancient shores, a softer approach to scifi.

4- How do you relax?

I relax by exercising a lot and then eating something tasty with tea, watching tv and knitting, sometimes playing Mass Effect. Exercise is vital to my sanity and to my body’s functionality. Everything else is a plus.

5- What color are the interior walls of your home?

I live in a rental apartment with fugly old wallpapers, they are kind of white but not really, with weird yellowish and bluish stains and some texture. I try not to pay attention to it and I imagine it’s all white.

6- What is your guiltiest pleasure?

I don’t feel guilt over pleasures usually. Because I’m so worth it.

7- What time is bedtime and getting up time?

I like to tuck myself in around 11 pm so I have time to read a bit before sleep. Since I’m not working, I usually get up at 8.30 am unless, well, the circumstances are unusual.

8- How long do you spend reading blogs (per day or per week)?

I don’t read blogs on a daily basis, but I probably read one or two every week. I have spent so little time by the laptop lately, excepting Tweetdeck and email, that I simply haven’t had the time to read anything extra. Besides, my favorites have been taking a hiatus from blogging too, and nothing has been interesting enough to compel me into reading. I barely browse teh internets at all these days unless I’m using dictionaries or some other useful services.

–

There, I’ve blogged! This just might have been the longest hiatus I’ve had with blogging so far. I just moved my blog to a new host, Downtownhost, which I so far recommend.

I would like to tag:

Ukkoite, because he probably isn’t man enough to blog about a blog meme, let alone one that asks very personal questions — really, he’s such a sissy he will not dare ;)

SetAsEssential, a Swedish lady whose portrait I’d like to paint one day as soon as she sends me a decent photo of herself. ;)

Baltarstar, because she’s such a sweetheart and writes so well.

*From Shakespeare, Twelfth Night, Act 3, Scene 3, line by Antonio (see here).

Thanks to the wonderfully boring and never-ending holiday of Easter, I’ve really been hit by the boredom of my life lately.

Two of my usual workout sessions cancelled along with the weekly painting class, all because of some stupid Christian non-event which someone decided to stick in the place of some heathen event celebrating something slightly more sensible I’m sure.

I have been completely spoiled by the atelier environment in the painting classes. There’s so much room, so much light from a long wall of windows, big(gish) tables empty and waiting for you to lay your stuff on them and start painting. At home, I have a desk with a laptop on it, and plenty of other stuff that needs to be gotten rid of before I can start arranging my painting gear on the same space.

Or maybe I’ve just become even lazier than I used to be. I don’t need much money to get by, rent is ridiculous and Lidl provides ample yet affordable nourishment. Money’s guaranteed, jobs aren’t. I still haven’t applied for post-grad studies because I’m too lazy to go all the way to Kela to ask if I could still get their money if I’m a student, theoretically more productive than an unemployed version of me.

But I don’t wanna! I spent over 6 years studying and I’ve had enough. Granted, it wouldn’t technically be the same. I would only be doing whatever I want with my own research, but it’s not that simple. There’s so much stuff I don’t want to deal with right now. Like being confident about your topic and defending its purpose in conferences, or to others at the uni. Anyone else pretty much. I hate the competitive side. I’m not competitive with anyone else but myself.

I don’t know why I see the other postgrads as enemies. It’s some kind of a gut reaction, derived from some deep sense of self-worthlessness and inferiority. I find it very hard to push myself from this happy, if somewhat boring place where for the first time in a very long time I can actually say I am content, even happy. Every day is not a chore no more and I even look forward to living a long life. But there’s a line, I think, between being content and being complacent. One means wanting to keep living your life, the other means you think you deserve all and more than you’re getting.

Oh well. I don’t know why finishing my research plan seems like such an insurmountable obstacle. Perhaps it is because I would very much like to get accepted at Langnet with full funding for 4 years and they only take brilliant students and brilliant research plans. I know that my biggest hurdle is communicating my topic in plain English to people who don’t know anything about it. Much easier said than actually done. I wonder if popularizing your research isn’t the most challenging part of it. How to explain in lay terms something that doesn’t exist in lay terms?

Long shory stort, I’m trying to regain my focus by reading some relevant literature, trying to come up with ideas and hypotheses to look into. In other words, a nice way of spending some time sitting on the sofa and pretending to be useful.

P.S. I’m absolutely in love with this new WordPress bug which causes the save button not to save your post until you refresh your browser and lose whatever it didn’t save before. (EDIT: Apparently it works for the publish button as well! Super.)

The painting course starts again this week after the long Christmas break! I haven’t signed up, so I will just waltz back in on Friday morning and hope there’s still room for me. If I don’t still have a job in February, I’ll even pay the bill for rest of semester (50% off for unemployed persons!).

Anyways, I’m very pleased with this painting. I started the course with it and took my time to make sure it actually bore some resemblance to Amoena. Behold and judge for yourself:

(Painting of Amoena…)

Now that I can see them side by side, my suspicions are confirmed: her eyes are slightly off and too small in the painting and her mouth slants the wrong way. But by the time I had fixed the position of the eyes, it was too late to change them, or I might have done irreversible damage. Painting with amateur skills is like that sometimes. Her jaw is also more angular in the painting than it should be, but I think the overall look is similar enough to see who it’s supposed to portray.

(..and Amoena herself.)

The teacher, Tuomo Rosenlund, had an interesting interpretation of my painting. He saw symbolism in my color choices – red implying there’s something evil or devious behind that apparently innocent look on her face. This was highlighted by the way I divided the background into two colors and made the left side lighter and the right side darker red. After having said that, he concluded that painters often unknowingly paint people they know in a way that the view them as persons. In other words, I view Amoena as an apparently innocent but actually devious person?

Yes, she’s pure evil. She likes to knit, crochet and watch reality tv. She even coos about her dog Papu all the time and posts videos of the doggie chewing carrots! That’s evil and devious on so many levels, I’m sure you’ll agree!